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Deeply Upsetting 44: Haunted Beach Doll Crimes on “Minor Upsets” Amy Bogarde and Mike the Hobbit discuss a lesser known story or discovery from the interwebs. Submit your hypothetical questions and/or strange and unusual internet finds at geeksundertheinfluence@gmail.com with “Deeply Upsetting” in the subject line!
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Transcript (Auto-Generated):
0:01
the views and opinions expressed on deeply upsetting are those of the panelists and not those of the geeks
0:06
under the influence network associated brands or businesses listener discretion is advised
0:25
welcome back to miner upside runner-up it’s a minor upset it’s not a big upset
0:31
it’s a minor one i don’t know exactly what your upset is but you’ve made it pretty clear that this might not be that minor this might
0:38
be a major upset let’s put it this way that as far as i know it doesn’t have any major effect on like the
0:46
likelihood of human existence continuing or not continuing but it might okay
0:52
so well the point originally of minor upsets was it’s our deeply upsetting off
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week we are finding just something in the news that isn’t doesn’t have anything to do with like our
1:03
reproductive rights being taken away or anything humongous that might be going on in the world right now slow newsweek
1:10
but you know whatever not a whole lot not a whole lot happening but we are not equipped to tackle that on this show so
1:15
we talk about some dumb ass [ __ ] it’s news that’s upsetting but doesn’t make you want to jump off a building yep
1:22
um it’s a normal level of like uh like what what all right yeah that’s
1:29
those are the reactions we’re trying to elicit here from this show um i’m amy bogard i’m mike the hobbit welcome back
1:36
welcome back catch us next week we will be doing a regularly scheduled deeply upsetting
1:42
with questions that you can submit if you are so inclined via our social media
1:48
at deeply upsetting on facebook and twitter uh we also got the hotline number the
1:53
mm-hmm for sexy texts or voicemails that’s uh 804-505-4484 that’s 804-505-4gui
2:03
and uh the email address as well geeksuntotheinfluence.gmail.com and just put a deeply upsetting in the
2:09
subject line so we know who you’re talking to so we can find you so we can get you [Laughter]
2:15
all right we’ll hit me with that i’m scared this is uh truly a haunting article
2:20
from cron.com chron.com not the regular panelists yeah like wait
2:26
a second entirely i think uh houston and texas is the the area
2:32
that this comes from uh and this is an article from ariana garcia from april 29th of this year and the title is
2:39
researchers keep finding creepy dolls washing up on texas beaches
2:45
no yeah nope a foam by jordan peele
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this is actually the story of nope that’s coming out the trailer really did not give away
2:57
anything nothing about dolls for sure oh no we’ve got a flanks off horrifying though this is truly horrifying so uh
3:04
researchers are regularly surveying the coast for like creatures like sea turtles and then marine mammals and endangered species and stuff and they’re
3:10
doing cool stuff to getting them out of nets and like rescuing baby turtles and stuff doing all the cool stuff but
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they often come across debris while coming the the texas shoreline and lately creepy dolls seem to be their
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most popular find now the worst part of that line there is it literally does say lately like this is if it was one thing
3:30
that happens all the time you’d be like kids are dropping toys in the water or whatever but no just lately oh no
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i mean this is a new event that’s occurring they’re like the mini horse dolls of the apocalypse
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um and the worst part is there’s pictures on this article and they’re truly haunting i’m sure you’ll put them
3:52
on our social media they’re uh they’re barnacle-covered babies it’s uh really
3:57
just uh just a whole thing a whole situation happening uh that uh that i’m gonna share with
4:03
miss bogart over here that oh my god no okay
4:08
this is really giving like that toy story kid that’s exactly what i
4:14
thought really yeah it like puts the pieces together this is so freaky and the woman holding it up is way happier
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than she should be yeah i would be into it terrified terrified
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and i also don’t feel like i would be holding it in that way i would just lay it on the sand and please she’s holding
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it like she caught a chicken in the yard she’s holding it like she made it there’s just some some really we’re
4:37
looking at these pictures which i will definitely have a link on this episode she’s also really happy really stoked
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about these dolls uh i will get to uh oh my god they’re just
4:48
horrifying my god so this story just gets crazier though that’s the thing is like the concept itself is enough to be
4:54
truly a terrifying story but they say that for years now so this has been going on for uh for years can you
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please take the baby picture down the monitor i can’t focus this one’s like indignant
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okay okay so three years now they’ve been mysteriously encountering these dolls washing up on shores um they
5:12
started putting them up on their facebook page and that’s gained in popularity obviously obviously um
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and what’s the facebook page called does it say mission our nasus reserve is the facebook page i
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will also i will have that link in the in the notes as well yeah and uh they’ve been streaming counting these
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dolls for a while somebody used the toy story uh in the comments oh in the comments
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yeah that looks exactly like it yeah it’s definitely a toy story doll it’s all
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[ __ ] up and terrifying but the castaway the creepy castaways as they
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call them are are usually in horrific condition pulitzer prize covered in barnacles or missing their
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limbs hair and eyes no yep somebody found a barnacles growing out
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of the eyes of a doll and said oh boy a creepy doll i know a bunch of you weirdos out there
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like this says jack tunnel director of mission arnessus reserve uh they’re correct they’re correct yes there’s
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definitely a whole contingency of people that would uh love this kind of thing so they’re just showing off some of the
6:16
stuff they’re getting with each social media post users appear to be more and more intrigued uh creepy and why are
6:21
there so many dolls in the ocean that’s really the question that is the question why are there so many dolls in the ocean
6:27
yeah no can you imagine you’re swimming in the ocean like minding your own [ __ ] business and something brushes up
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against your leg and immediately you’re like shark but then it’s a [ __ ] creepy haunted baby doll covered in
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barnacles covered in [ __ ] barnacles missing some hair and you’re like this
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is work that’s where you just like let all the air out of your lungs and sink to the bottom of the ocean like a stone
6:50
like a stone i would love to i think once that happens the babies come and take you away it’s their sacrifice i
6:57
love that in this article there’s just like little random things that i guess they’re just walking the beach during this uh interview finding [ __ ] dolls
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for a quick second when you said they’re just walking the beach i thought about the babies
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we have a horror movie you’re getting really scared you want a horror movie you just have like some kind of carryover from like demonic toys or
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something and it’s just baby dolls that wash up on shore and then just like murder beach goers jesus done that’s
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[ __ ] the most haunting thing i’ve ever heard of jordan give us a call but there’s all these quotes of them just looking at
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stuff being like why are there so many dolls in the ocean am i missing something and then randomly they’re like this one looks happy to be
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found not like some of the others which is a truly [ __ ] up thing to say like
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people are i think doing too much it’s kind of like those two women that were holding up the babies and looking so so
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excited like white women are freaks i guarantee it was a white lady that made that comment
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definitely i know it was the scariest part of this is coming up here is that they’ve collected 30 of the disturbing dolls since they began keeping count
8:02
uh so they just were getting rid of them after a while and then it just happened so frequently they’re like okay we gotta start keeping count and they’ve had 30
8:09
so far since that came in oh my god so imagine how many went by before the dolls of yours yeah
8:15
um the creepiest one ones are are the ones that lost all their hair uh
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the first doll they found was the head of a sex doll no and they posted a picture of it and
8:27
didn’t realize that’s what it was oh we got a lot of followers on the page after that
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uh someone oh no this is the worst part someone later bought the sex doll’s head for 35
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and the proceeds were donated to a sea turtle rescue program
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they’re really [ __ ] silver lining that oh my god ew someone is [ __ ] that right now
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barnacle barnacle-mouthed sex dollhead yes 100 that is such
8:58
a visual for the ages oh no and they’re trying to figure out like
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what happened and uh marine scientists are like the the texas coast is a junk magnet is what they call it just with
9:09
the the currents and stuff but that still doesn’t explain why it’s mostly doll heads yeah that’s
9:15
really i understand junk magda okay that’s probably what’s washing up on the texture sure why why doll heads yeah why
9:22
are the dolls that’s um also can i just make a quick point that if for some reason we were to get famous
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enough that we necessitated starting a deeply upsetting museum the crown jewel would be
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the sex doll oh yeah covered in barnacles and some sad dudes jizz oh no not sadges
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the saddest jizz so the best part is they’ve realized that they’ve got a gold mine here
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the group gets a surprising number of requests for purchasing the dolls uh so they decided that they don’t keep
9:56
any of the toys out of fear that they could be haunted yep but he does sell them at a yearly fun
10:03
fundraising auction um that they do so uh and those buying them the last line in the whole
10:10
article is there’s a lot of nightmares out there
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whoever wrote this article is a winner oh that’s amazing truly a [ __ ]
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incredible piece of uh of writing that’s that’s got a that’s got awards written all over it because
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truly the nightmare when you really think about it is who is buying the dolls and for what
10:35
purpose like are they cleaning no oh my god he just scrolled to one that’s
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just so much worse it looks like an exorcist vomit baby it looks like late
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late late stage leprosy baby it’s really [ __ ] freaky also it’s eyes are too
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human oh my god look at that happy white lady yeah happy white lady holding a definitely
11:01
possessed doll that doll is possessed with a very evil force
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i feel like that doll could probably take over and she’s like yay yeah it would take
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over just by literally being like i’m taking over and people like do your i’m not dealing with this i’m not [ __ ] with that at all
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i’m looking for the uh the sex doll head it’s in here oh yeah we gotta see the sex doll head isn’t it fun to listen to a scroll
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that people will be looking at these links while they’re listening to this episode in case unless you’re driving then you drive first and look better but
11:35
the these things are just truly a sight to behold look another
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happy white woman there’s so many of them that’s the new porn magazine is happy white women with haunted dolls i
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think is a new porn that we could make lots of money somebody would jerk into it absolutely sure
12:02
what’s inside the mouth that’s that looks like dirt with worms in it but i’m not sure
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kind of looked like a fish like gave birth in it or something that looks so creepy that is the most
12:14
terrifying thing i’ve ever seen she’s missing an eye and all of her hair i oh man i i wish
12:23
that we had like bought stock in this uh news this small texas newspaper yeah
12:28
before doing this episode so we can just make money off of just going oh my god it’s so terrible we’re doing like the
12:33
lovecraft thing where we can’t even describe the horrors that we’re not viewing you have to see it to believe it it is
12:40
the fact that like somebody is out here okay i thought that you were like a [ __ ] demented little photoshop
12:46
gremlin but whoever made that with the haunted dog does that be my valentine oh my god this
12:53
is like a hairless barbie doll missing a leg giving a thumbs up and it’s just not it doesn’t have the like go get em feeling
13:00
that i think they were going for with that photo not terribly inspired
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i’m going to walk into the grave yeah and it sucks because you and i always threaten when
13:13
things go poorly um to walk oh my god that is like a human adult
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human sized baby doll ew also it doesn’t have like it’s like boneless
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does it the body is covered with like green paint with sprayed on it i guess i don’t know what it’s like laundry
13:31
detergent or something this is beyond the pale
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i don’t want to be on this planet anymore either just well that’s what i was going to say
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whenever something small and unfortunate happens to us we always say that we’re going to walk into the sea guess not
13:48
no i don’t want to be anywhere close to the sea now guess that’s over this is unfortunate that there’s just so many
13:54
there’s oh oh god oh god i don’t know what this one was
14:00
and why is she so happy yeah all these white ladies with their hair and braids are very happy to be holding these
14:07
barnacle-covered uh sins against god you know like when you’re a white lady me
14:13
but then you look at some [ __ ] like this and you’re like no that’s something that’s like a lady [ __ ] yeah the 100
14:18
that is some white lady [ __ ] right there oh um i’m thrilled they are thrilled
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while their souls are being sucked out they don’t even know like this baby doll
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is currently like wiping her credit score i think there’s actually another murder uh
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ocean doll that is behind her holding a gun to her head saying act natural smile
14:45
this is okay so the thing that’s the most upsetting is
14:50
that there’s definitely a lot of volunteers right that go and do ocean cleanup and like those are heroes that’s [ __ ] great uh
14:57
nothing but respect for the people that are going out but there’s a level of hero of going and doing beach cleanup
15:03
and then there’s a level of hero where like you’re going to a haunted beach full of doll heads that wash up on shore
15:10
um and you’ve been doing it for years yeah for years you’ve been seeing doll heads covered in barnacles that look
15:16
like like they just got like [ __ ] [ __ ] stamped by satan
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uh washing up on shore with no explanation but i want to know who started doing beach cleanup because they
15:30
started finding doll heads oh literally this woman right there’s the one freak that’s like into it and that’s why
15:36
they’re there yeah oh i think there’s multiple freaks i think there’s a lot of freaks
15:41
they’re like yeah i guess i’m doing like good work for the ocean but really it’s just to find the creepiest dolls
15:47
this one is absolutely horrifying it looks like i don’t know
15:53
what it was supposed to be before it kind of looks like a schoolhouse rock character is that just me no it well it’s got a
16:00
jaunty little red vest and then it’s got some like really smart looking like blue slacks
16:07
we’re saying this as it’s truly it looks like it’s also covered in bullet holes
16:14
it looked like somebody ground their face into some gravel until it wasn’t a face anymore
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someone did some bad stuff to this doll and then chucked it into the [ __ ] sea i think honestly that might be the
16:27
explanation is if there’s like a weird like kink community on the texas coast
16:33
that just likes [ __ ] children’s dolls or like humiliation king people that are like i can’t do it to a person i just
16:39
don’t have it in me but i will to this schoolhouse
16:46
i will [ __ ] this boneless infant doll oh no and then cast it overboard to hide my crimes
16:55
my sacrificial lamb no do you think they just like chucked them
17:00
overboard in a boat like uh dexter did to deb’s body spoiler alert the question is do you do you think that they they
17:08
build up a stockpile before dumping them into the ocean or is it one at a time i think one at a time separate trips you
17:14
think of separate trips i don’t think that i think that it’s one doll at a time i think that they’re having these
17:20
relationships with one doll i think they’re having their relationships with one doll but do you think there’s just like there’s the recyclables there’s
17:26
like the trash can and then there’s the like the like sex like sex doll
17:32
like crime cleanup then i think it’s too painful to look at what they’ve done to the doll i
17:39
think they have to they have to chuck it into the sea immediately it’s one thing to be like you’ve come to terms with the
17:44
fact that you like [ __ ] a children’s toy but that looks like a children but then
17:50
i swear this one has been target practice before though oh yeah like this one has like bb holes so you’re like
17:56
sort of coming to terms with that and so you you that have been taking it out to the ocean every time you’re like you know
18:03
what i i believe in green planet i’m gonna like i’m gonna save my gas in my
18:08
boat and just build up like maybe a trash bag full before going out to the ocean save mother earth that’s the kink
18:14
community’s green new deal [Laughter] oh no
18:21
the aoc is like this is what i was asking for this whole time this is the
18:26
world that liberals want cast your creepy sex dolls into sea in
18:32
one fell swoop but so they just throw them in this bin and then there’s one day where they like
18:38
open it and it’s full and they go to throw what have i become yep i am a monster i
18:45
am truly that’s why half of these don’t have eyes because they plucked them out so they couldn’t look back oh my god
18:50
could you imagine being like don’t look at me stabbing eyeballs out of them out of the doll heads
18:58
this is i thought this was an upsetting story to begin with but we have as we always do made it worse
19:06
so much work like i’m just thinking about like the the small family of like fishing
19:11
families where they’re just barely scraping by doing like fishing off the coast uh and the whole family pitches in they
19:18
got like an eight-year-old daughter that’s out on the boat just like picking up nets and stuff not doing anything like really hard labor stuff but still
19:24
helping out and they’re just like these castle nets out there waiting little girl like leans over the side
19:30
and then mom’s like what do you got there darling what do you got and then she pulls out this like
19:36
wet barnacle-covered angry like succubus doll
19:44
plucked from the watery depths of the ocean like it was handed up from hell itself
19:50
to this little girl and she turns around and shows it to the mother and the mother just starts screaming and
19:55
screaming and she’s never burst into flames honestly i wish that that would have been a subplot to that movie coda
20:01
because they were like deep sea fishermen because i really want to know what sign language is for like put that
20:08
haunted doll back in the sea right now [ __ ] if any of our listeners that know uh
20:13
sign language could could be haunted just send us a video of your hands uh joe doing the signs for uh to put that
20:21
haunted dolt down what was it i don’t even know okay i feel like it’s getting into like monsters inc territory
20:27
of like put that thing back where it came from also help me that’s the ultimate for this perfect
20:34
i wow nothing like a monsters and graphics to tie up the weird kink story i mean
20:40
considering the number of dolls they found washed ashore there might be a corporation involved with the dumping of these uh these demonic sex dolls
20:48
um it’s yeah these are yup that i i really implore you to get a
20:54
full a full understanding of just how [ __ ] awful these oh it’s worth a gander for sure
20:59
oh my god this is the stuff of nightmares it says yeah yep so uh this is my new
21:07
favorite thing that’s ever existed on the planet and i’m gonna obsess over it forever but the fact that the dolls are
21:13
then auctioned off like for charity and gone off to like some other [ __ ] kinky weirdos that’s
21:20
part two of the green new deal it’s now being recycled incredible really it’s it’s called
21:27
upcycling i think yep there we go yeah wow well this was really
21:33
a great story that you brought this is probably one of the most upsetting stories that you’ve brought so far this is really truly something that’s going
21:38
to haunt my dreams honestly yeah as it should i feel like if you looked at these pictures and you’re like huh
21:45
okay i wouldn’t trust you i need at least a little bit of horror
21:51
i think highly i guess really i’m one
21:57
like we need a t-shirt right like we need a creepy tall t-shirt no no we need a t-shirt with the like the sex
22:04
doll head no with its mouth full of dirt and one eyeball plucked out
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fully playing what does it say it said uh deeply upsetting
22:17
doll company richmond virginia 2022 upcycling
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[Laughter] creepy doll upcycling [Laughter]
22:30
i mean if anybody actually wants that like let your voice be heard but i would prefer if we didn’t do that because i
22:36
feel like then we’re [ __ ] summoning them we’re gonna start seeing them all over the james river or something
22:42
they’re going to leave the uh the coastal currents of texas and then come up and go into the james river
22:49
to haunt our shores james river is a lot smaller so we’re going to see a whole lot of haunted
22:54
dolls real quick look those coastlines are already haunted with like used condoms and beer cans and broke broken
23:01
dreams so i don’t think we need the dolls as well yeah if you live in a place that’s not richmond virginia you
23:07
can buy the shirt it’s not for richmond locals sorry
23:14
no no we have enough going on we don’t need this there’s enough horrors in the game oh my
23:20
god she is so excited about this so excited yep oh my that is another weird
23:26
phenomenon honestly it’s just as horrifying as all the babies as all the faces all the smiling white women yeah
23:33
yeah they’re just [ __ ] thrilled thrilled when we say get a hobby we didn’t mean
23:39
this this is not the hobby at all okay oh my god oh well i’m going to run away
23:47
yeah into the forest i’m going to sit in the closet and sob i think after this that’s fair i definitely want to like
23:55
get rid of the internet i think for myself i don’t i think i’ve seen all the good
24:00
that was there and now i’m just seeing stuff like this i gotta go
24:05
remember when people would look up like cat facts yup on on the internet that was like the thing
24:10
they’re like oh my god i didn’t know that about that breed of cat that’s really interesting that’s true i’m gonna delete all of the
24:17
internet except for the one twitter account i follow called cats being weird little guys that’s my favorite
24:24
perfect that’s all i really need in this life that’s we gotta you know we gotta bring the internet back to like 1996.
24:32
make america dial up again we’re only doing i can has cheeseburger
24:39
and our keyboard cat cat uh we’ll do
24:45
if you’re good on the holidays we’ll do uh star wars guy oh
24:50
and then of course um every i don’t know let’s say fourth of july we’ll do is the end of the world
24:56
that one’s always good perfect it’s me in the you know in the mood yes yeah and one day when we think you’re
25:02
responsible enough we’ll pull up some home star runner oh [ __ ] yeah
25:08
if you deserve it if you deserve it until then i guess you can just keep listening to this tire fire of a show
25:15
if this show was something to be upset about it would not be a haunted doll that’s too much yeah that’s too much
25:21
that’s too much that’s going overboard i don’t know what it would be exactly we’d be like maybe a haunted lamp
25:28
why does it have to be haunted like i don’t know like it’s it’s a lamp that’s just like it’s
25:34
mildly unsettling like there’s something about the lamp you don’t like i feel like we’re more of like a parrot
25:41
that incessantly and only speaks in pig latin it’s like shut up
25:48
please that i don’t believe in hurting animals but
25:53
a parrot that won’t stop saying pig latin yep that’s a that’s a special kind of torture
25:59
i feel like that’s us you think we give up haunted lamp vibes
26:04
i think we give up big latin good to know the combination of that is
26:10
that is the sweet spot of this delightful show cool yeah let’s put that on our bios
26:16
going forward kind of like if a haunted lamp was also a piglet yeah if a haunted lamp lamp had
26:22
a baby with a parrot that only spoke in pig latin you’d have the deeply upsetting podcast
26:28
oh my god if you want to listen to podcasts that are like podcasts
26:34
you can do that at guipodcast.com there’s a lot of other shows and they are
26:39
not this so they’re good yeah fortunately for everyone involved good job
26:44
return next week if you dare um for another regularly scheduled deeply upsetting again let us know if you have
26:51
any questions we’ll answer them for you and uh yeah i mean i think that’s gonna do it for us
26:57
for another episode of deeply upsetting i’m amy i’m mike the hobbit okay bye
27:04
[Music]
27:19
guipodcast.com
27:27
like the hobbit here lowdown brown inviting you to check out geek some of the influence of podcast that pairs
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booze with conversation with good friends and a little nerd culture we get a lot of colorful conversation out of
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our episodes but it is here for everyone no gatekeeping always level up everything we do we’ll punch up never
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plunge down exactly so check out geeks under the influence everywhere you get your podcast and join us or die shut the
27:51
[ __ ] up hobbit welcome to gui nights gui nights yeah i
27:59
am lowdown brown with me as always mike the hobbit this is the tangential side
28:05
of gui this is like so many of those other shows that has the after the show bit mixed with a little bit of baywatch
28:11
night so it’s a little sexier it’s a little bit after hours also while tying it into the previous episode of gui so
28:18
look forward to that too because this comes out the week after the flagship hour-long episode so make sure to check
28:23
out gui nights and uh when you’re done you can go the [ __ ] home
28:28
in a world with too many reboots and remakes two men will stop at nothing to
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make it even worse join like robert and tandy as they play by their removals while pitching new
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takes on some of your favorite and least favorite films and tv shows what podcast you dare to bring this upon the world
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this is smack my pitch
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hey guys scotty p here with smash on your left and we are the geek fathers that’s right
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bringing all the trials and tribulations of being a geeky parent so welcome to our world and as always join us or cry
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[Music] coming straight from the mouths of madness i’m lowdown i’m fu hunter do you
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love heart we [ __ ] do so this is podcast dedicated to all things in cinematic car we’re talking movies
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television composers special effects artists we’re going to [ __ ] cover it so if you love more embrace the madness
29:33
in a world of blockbuster movies there’s another dimension the dimension of
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schlock cinema join us at beautiful disasters on a journey into the fringe territory of
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b-movie abandon we review the flicks that are forgotten or under-appreciated to give them a
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proper place in the annals of celluloid history i’m the groots after you hunter
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your guides at beautiful disasters come along with us for a fun ride
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be with you