Sex Dungeon Meet Cute (Deeply Upsetting)

_{0:01the views and opinions expressed on deeply upsetting are those of the panelists and not those of the geeks0:06under the influence network associated brands properties or businesses listener0:11discretion is advised please keep your hands inside the ride at all times0:16[ __ ] marry kill david cronenberg lars von trier0:23rob zombie wow holy [ __ ] you’re bringing the0:29the gruesome on this uh [ __ ] married kill so we got cronenberg0:35body [ __ ] maestro lars von trier0:40different type of body horror body horror for sure [ __ ] and then rob zombie just0:46horror i just know you hate him and i thought it’d be a fun little addendum don’t hate rob zombie no he rob zombie0:52movie his films are not my favorite i am a fan of horror very much so0:59and i have been so let down for the most part by rob zombie films uh1:04yeah that it’s like rob and now he’s doing the monsters1:09i know i know i think that’s what i heard you ranting about the other day i mean you rant about rob zombie with some1:15frequency especially when there’s any alcohol involved um not wrong1:20you’re not wrong in that tone that you said rob is not your usual tone1:28that was much more like to a lovable scamp yeah i believe on one of one of the1:34episodes of something recently i was bitching about his halloween remakes and how disappointed i was in uh house of1:40thousand corpses and some of those other films but this is a crossover episode yeah this is crossover this is uh this1:46crossover with i think it was gui that we were talking about yeah so haven’t listened to that one yet apparently1:51because i brought it up anyway uh cronenberg’s got a new film coming out that looks incredible and it looks like a return back to his body horror uh1:59beginnings a little bit as much as i love history of violence and eastern promises they’re more of like thriller2:05dramas and very good but uh not not that body horror kind of thing so i’m just going to take2:11cronenberg as that body horror version of cronenberg that was what i had in mind yeah yeah yeah for sure and then lars von trier okay so the problem that2:18i’m running into is that if kill feels like appropriate for rob zombie yeah but2:24that means i would have to [ __ ] or marry lars von trier yeah and see even with the body horror stuff the [ __ ] or mary2:30for cronenberg is still just like okay it’s into some stuff that makes me feel like a little bit weird uh in bed2:36but yeah i can like appreciate where he’s coming from with it you know it’s like when you’re asked to do a thing that you’re really not into in bed2:43yeah you know your partner’s really into it can i please turn into like a multi-person2:49throbbing muscle of a creature and then you just [ __ ] the holes i’d be like all right2:55cronenberg because you said so nicely and i know it’s something you want you’re like i should do it once before i3:02die you know like i should [ __ ] the throbbing muscle green shirt i should i should put my dick in this veiny3:09throbbing like glistening mess of uh of a person your grandchildren3:15will be so impressed with you they’ll think you’re cool forever definitely like do you know that uh your3:22grandfather once put his dick in some cronenberg holes and they’re like really3:28yeah yay grandpa’s cool3:34that’s the that’s the line that makes me go grandpa’s [ __ ] cronenberg i think finally3:40so i i mean [ __ ] lars von trier that’s a different level of like not being okay with the thing that your3:45partner’s into like he’s into some stuff that’s like not okay not at all okay like he knows3:52like he can only come if he like picks up your dog and throws it against the wall as he climaxes like it’s something3:58truly upsetting on a different level like viscerally that’s too real yeah4:06he’s the guy that you like don’t realize what he’s like he just seems kind of like forlorn you know on your first date4:12and then you take him home and you’re having sex and he’s like cut off my pinky you’re like what4:18no do it he hands you like the cigar cutters he just hands you like a [ __ ] butter4:24knife or something to like saw through it you look over and there’s just a table4:31with just assorted pinkies you’re like okay well he has his so4:36what happens after i cut off his pinky then you realize that you’re at his house which is not where i had it going4:43so that’s so much worse you do not want to be a pinky guy’s house like you’re you’re4:50starting off really light for lars von trier where you’re just like slapping him in the ass with like a leather belt4:56yeah like welting him pretty good and you’re like okay this this is doable this isn’t too bad it’s not really my5:02thing maybe but then you just hear a baby crying oh and you’re like like a haunting like echoey baby cry from5:09somewhere in the house the dead baby for sure you know in your heart it’s a ghost baby that’s haunting the5:15halls that is such a boner killer let me tell you every time every every time every time5:22it never works not a good time casper get out of here i’m trying to come5:31and casper’s like okay okay okay make you guys a sandwich like thank5:37you casper trying to [ __ ] lars von trier here he’s like i don’t know the cronenberg5:44was into it when you’re [ __ ] the glistening halls this conversation5:49i don’t know what i expected it to be but it’s it’s that i think5:56lars von true screams shia labeouf when he comes 100 definitely does he’s6:01definitely picturing shia at all times he got really turned on by actual cannibal6:08shia labeouf absurdly he got into that and then realized that6:13that was just a joke and it was so sad but then he started getting weirdly obsessed with army hammer6:18he’s like that’s the real cannibal in the room but in between that time after he realized that the actual cannibal6:24thing was fake that’s when he wrote melancholia because he was like the world may as6:29well [ __ ] in yeah my dreams are dead so the world should be too6:35i feel like that’s definitely his vibe okay only because you pulled lars von trier into it i think that gave6:43rob zombie a pass i think so i don’t think now that i think about it yeah he’s not gonna die because you know what like even though i’m not a fan of his6:48films like that seems like it would be like ridden hard and put away wet [ __ ] situation for rob zombie like so6:55you’re gonna marry cronenberg i think i’m gonna marry cronenberg i respect his vision and i support him7:01and i would be his cheerleader through his life of filmmaking so i feel like that’s7:07something that’s important in a partnership and that’s a lot of time to peer into that mind hole i’m telling you that much7:14but the other option is to like quietly support rob zombie doing the monsters7:19movie and i can’t do that but what if you could influence it’s rob like i’m coming in late in this7:25game like it’s not like i it’s like the first album of uh white zombie is about to come out and we meet and then like a7:32meat cute out it’s like sex dungeon those are the cutest of those gifts7:37and he’s like i want to slam in the back of my dracula with you and i’m like oh honey7:45hey don’t sell yourself short i think that you could really still have an impact you’re a stand-up guy7:51you’re a swell fella he’s trying to like make his his ex now7:57uh in in the monsters movie oh really yeah or sherry moon like8:02they’re still together but they would have to be broken up if i was oh right right sure with mr uh robert zombie8:09you brought in his government name robert aloysius zombie is his uh is this8:16christian name baptismal name actually it’s zombae8:22like the cranberry yeah it’s an irish last name traditional irish last name i’m really8:28really really resisting the urge to go straight into it just go do the whole thing8:39which is actually how he promised oh no oh oh8:45la the last part goes on too long8:54robert and i would have a tryst i have regret yeah9:01uh rob phthalomu uh aloysius the last [ __ ] marry kill was the mug9:08and i really had no [ __ ] forethought going into this i was just like head empty just vibes with my [ __ ] mary9:16killed not realizing that it was gonna turn into like the most upsetting conversation on this stupid show you9:22chose body horror guy unapologetic sex pervert and the hot topic guy i sure did as the9:30uh as the choices here i’m not a smart person there’s somebody screaming at me right now for calling rob zombie the hot9:36topic guy well it’s called deeply upsetting [ __ ] check the title9:43so yeah i’m gonna [ __ ] rob zombie okay uh i’m gonna marry kronenberg i believe in his vision i would be a good support9:50system for him in the making of his future films and uh lars von trier’s gotta go i agree i9:57think no matter what large frontrier has to die i think i would probably swap my roles in the other two but no matter10:02what like i’m taking down large foreign i feel like there’s got to be some good that comes into the world from10:08that he’s not giving off good vibes that’s the thing is either he is even darker than people think he is10:15and he’s got some [ __ ] up at least 10 children locked up in his dungeon yep10:21something along those lines where people were like [ __ ] okay i thought six tops but ten wow um10:27or it’s the polar opposite where he’s so edgy with filmmaking that he’s the most boring [ __ ] person in the entire10:34world that’s very true it is one way of the other yeah ten i lost fifty dollars in my office betting pool10:41i don’t think he’s boring i think it’s probably the other way unfortunately yeah so his death is really10:48a treat for us all right so you would you would flip you’d uh you10:54we’re both killing von trier but you’re getting a merry rob zombie i think so10:59i think so i just don’t feel like my mind is up to the task of11:06like having an intimate view into cronenberg’s mind at all times i just don’t feel like i’m there11:12i don’t have the fortitude the problem is though that you legally have to change your middle name to moon if you11:17marry rob zombie so you’d be like amy moon zombie that’s11:23okay yeah that’s pretty good like i said that as a negative yeah11:28that is very cool the problem with this car is it goes to zero to 60 faster than any other car oh11:34okay i guess i’m gonna get it i don’t know why you said it like that i think the11:40problem is that with the name amy moon zombie people would really expect me to be not the person that i am you know if11:47it’s like amy moon zombie is coming and i show up wearing a [ __ ] tony collette t-shirt just be like hi11:54everybody and cuffed bisexual jeans people are going to be like who is this being like girl that whole outfit is a12:01mood and they’re like amy moon zombie yep speaking here hello12:07friends that is unfortunately what i’m like in real life i mean i forget sometimes that12:13the listeners don’t know what i’m like in real life and it’s overly earnest12:19i’m definitely not pulling off the moon zombie name my kids would be embarrassed of me that12:25would be honestly that’s something out of a movie or a sitcom where there’s like the brooding dark artist12:31unfortunately a white guy with dreadlocks and definitely just looks even if he’s very12:36clean and smells good looks dirty all the time yep and then there’s the his partner who you would think12:43is of the same lines and it’s just this bubbly like friendly happy just very warm12:49person that’s me amy moon zombie [Laughter]12:57i feel like every time i would enter a room people would be like well this is deeply upsetting13:18welcome back to deeply upsetting i’m amy bogart i’m mike the hobbit and we your hosts on this show will answer13:25the internet’s most upsetting hypothetical quandaries yes we’ve got no expertise but baby we’re13:31here the expertise is what we have in our hearts yep which is apparently very13:38discriminated and limited the way that this show works is that we13:44need your questions we will answer them on the show and you can give them to us in a bunch of different ways we’re on13:50social media ever heard of it um you’re getting like mean right off the13:55bat like social media um you may not know about it it’s kind of new it’s pretty cool14:01it’s time for my hipster era i think but it’s like so misguided hipster area where i’m like14:07have you guys heard about facebook it’s cool we need to be the hipster podcast where we just mention14:14uh social media pages that nobody uses like have you heard of friendster friendster’s coming back in a big way14:20you’re gonna only find us on friendster i wish we were only on friendster14:25and you can listen to the music from the show on napster14:30download it on limewire we’re doing a uh live streaming episode on myspace later14:36this month definitely tom’s going to be tom is actually going to be there so is justin timberlake didn’t he buy14:42myspace oh i think he did yeah why did he do that because he was in the social network and he’s like i can do this too14:48except he has no understanding of the environment of social media at all so he’s like my space is free right like14:55he’s like not free it’s dollars you can space for eighteen dollars like that15:00sounds like a deal to me it was like jesse eisenberg you wanna get in on this nine dollars and jesse was like no15:07no just like that walked away anywho15:14if you use these newfangled social medias we are on facebook and twitter at15:19deeply upsetting you can send us an electronic mail geeksundertheinfluence15:24gmail.com put deeply upsetting in the subject line if you don’t know how to do that call your mom and ask her i’m sure15:31she’ll know yeah cause that’s usually how it works that the parent tells the kid how to use electronic mail15:36electronic mail she watched you’ve got mail 15 times just put in your 500 hours of free aol15:43disk exactly and set up an email account but today actually you my friend are15:50posing the question yes i am this is uh relating to recent events where i was told i have a charming smile15:57on a social media app which one though uh will that will come into play as we16:02go through the rigmarole of this question excuse me so the question is is that there’s so many different ways to16:07get in touch with people nowadays different types of that’s social media as the kids say apparently16:14and if you’re gonna jump into someone’s dms16:19you’ve got to kind of frame it based on the social app that you’re using to uh message a stranger definitely and berate16:26them with uh with unwanted unwanted affection and attention yes uh so the question is is16:33that if you were to jump into them dms on on different social apps based on the16:39social app what would be your your pickup line jesus i have no experience jumping into16:46anyone’s dms for literally anything i am actually like an old lady when it comes16:52to social media i don’t use it properly and i’ve never jumped into anyone’s dms so this should16:58be pretty fun i don’t think i no i have jumped into well not a stranger i’ve not jumped in17:04any dms of anybody that i don’t hadn’t previously met um uh the jumping into dms of people that i hadn’t met before17:11it’s definitely that got that like middle school will you go out with me energy and not just like do you want to17:17see my dick energy that’s for the best it’s it’s mostly the um yeah no i like17:22that thing too and then talk for like 40 minutes very casually uh about just random stuff that we both like and then17:28being like so if you wanted to get a drink then maybe that would be cool if you wanted to not a big deal if you don’t17:35you’re writing five paragraph essays in the dm there’s a thesis statement and like17:41supporting paragraphs make sure sure to indent my paragraphs17:47there’s citations i got footnotes they’re like i didn’t even know you17:53could do footnotes and messengers like i looked it up i looked at nature mla didn’t feel right17:59apa felt cheap nobody uses chicago style how did you get this double spaced18:06hit alt return is this notarized18:11the dm is you them and a notary public when i send a message there’s a there’s18:18a message that comes back saying it has been received by the recipient yep is there some sort of like a legal18:24dating app because this is how that would go yeah totally some sort of like lawyers only so facebook that is18:31predominantly where a lot of people jump into dms and that’s the the classic uh18:36you’re hot you look boobs you have boobs look at the boobs that you have and18:42then i think i’ve gotten that exact message actually probably and then and and please tell me if i’m off base here18:48okay at any point uh then the woman says oh thank you that’s really sweet but i’m18:53not interested to which the response is uh you’re an ugly [ __ ] and i didn’t want to [ __ ] you anyway that’s a hundred18:59percent true okay cool cool making sure that that’s the normal uh very reasonable totally normal19:06totally normal not psychotic not maybe a little bit of like a god complex type of19:11situation i don’t know i don’t know i’m not a therapist or anything okay so so since that’s just so gauche at this19:18point i mean yeah i know it’s gonna work it’s so tired there’s no challenge to me if i know it’s gonna work right of just like let19:25me see them boobs no that’s gonna work so i would probably come in19:30uh with something along the lines of uh have you heard my podcast i think he’s the leading one19:37that’s hot nothing’s hotter than a podcaster that’s really true i mean clearly guitarists have been bitching19:43for the last like 10 years about how how all their thunder’s being stolen by by uh chubby bearded men that have a19:50take on the dark knight that’s really where they’re like where are the [ __ ]19:55it’s like oh no they’re at pod magic con or something they’re sitting in the car outside of the club20:02where we’re playing listening on spotify to a chubby bearded man being like you20:08know what like the new joker with joaquin phoenix was good but i just think don’t think that anything comes20:13close to the dark knight and his friend being like [ __ ] you no man joaquin did it man20:18joaquin changed my life that dude’s method the guitarist just like walks out and he does like an20:24in-person facebook uh dump where he just knocks on the window and pulls the stick out like yeah20:30no no shh podcast pointing at their ears like it’s not blasting from their speakers20:38nothing cooler actually i’m sure you’ve experienced this then when you pull up to somebody at a light and you realize20:45that you are fully blasting your podcast and it’s always something that’s the20:50most boring part of the thing that like there’s it sounds like a hot take and20:55it’s not a hot take you know what andrew garfield not the greatest peter parker but he was a21:01pretty good spider-man everybody other cars like yeah no everybody thinks that i don’t know why21:06they said it like that was a hot [ __ ] take oh my god i mean i listen to dorkier [ __ ] than21:12that though like i feel like i roll up to the light and it’s like but what was21:17sondheim’s greatest work we’ll never know there’s too many options and i’m just21:23sitting in my car like clearly the screaming me listening like invisibilia and it’s like the thing is21:29about a butterfly is that it turns into a mush when it’s in the cocoon and nobody knows how it reforms it’s a scientific marvel21:36where i’m living my white woman stereotype life when i pull up to the light and it’s like her teeth were21:43removed her skin was peeled back there fortunately has been a shift21:50in the world as far as like you know uh believing women and and making more room for women to have a voice in the21:56conversation of the of the zeitgeist and yeah and moving up in in business and that’s [ __ ] rad um especially because22:04the amount of true crime podcasts that women listen to suggest that if it wasn’t going a little bit better that22:11way things would take a very dark turn honestly intrigued by that timeline22:16though am i glad that women are starting to get things yes22:22is it happening quick enough that we shouldn’t maybe just like inch into the true crying timeline no22:29just a little murder just a smidge a smidge of murder i think okay i think22:35women deserve a little murder as a treat they’ve been through so much the glass22:41ceiling is still there there’s like you know rape kits sitting in the police22:47departments for the last 20 years and i mean we could have a little murder if you’re gonna smash the glass ceiling why22:52not take one of those shards and maybe murder a little oh imagine22:58murdering with the glass ceiling would just be so like chefs there’s such an art artistic and23:05like almost ironic uh murder situation there i love it we23:10deserve how did we get here uh i think from facebook dms23:16yep from facebook murder started well because clearly your pickup line was good enough that it started this23:22incredible conversation that started a love connection for the ages how are you love connecting on facebook on facebook23:30um i think okay i think a good facebook dm is kind of like a grandma posting a23:37status where they’re just like searching for stuff right and so i think that my23:44my best move is typing into a dm as if i’m searching for stuff so it says like23:50bra to fit my big honkin boobs don’t fit in any bras23:56um vagina too wet question mark24:04happy birthday susan that’s it tell me you wouldn’t respond24:10orgasm only from small penises i hate receiving oral24:16help love to give oral24:24you know as much as i was joking about mine that would so [ __ ] work i know24:30like the bar as you put it is in hell yeah that’s my catchphrase so you could just put like boobs question mark and24:37that would be another that would be yeah let me see yeah what and then you’d have six weeks24:42if you’d never responded against six weeks of just like yeah boo are boobs here yet what’s going on with the boobs24:47and then just a dancer then a dick and then no boobs uh you’re you’re a tease24:54uh and then just then another couple weeks of just hate the most hateful cool stuff and then after that please let me25:00see your boobs it’s begging and then five years later i’m about to get engaged25:07how are your boobs doing and that’s when i respond and then we25:12fall in love playing the long game i like it that’s what i’m here for i need to sew my oats25:18but i want to start like sewing them quietly first putting in my little seedlings you got25:24to do some gardening first to prepare for the seeds that you’re planting exactly in the meantime25:31that’s my strategy okay what about twitter twitter twitter i feel like even with the dms25:37don’t have the same uh limits to the amount of typing that you’re doing you don’t want to shift25:44gears too much you know you want people are used to on twitter it being short and sweet so the message should also be short and25:50sweet not quite as short and sweet as say boobs question mark right um i think25:56maybe you can like at things in the dm like like at ky like at the at the different26:02sex toy companies that you want to incorporate into the uh the sex yep that you’re you’re planning26:08with this uh stranger that has never heard of you before um maybe a couple hashtags oh yeah26:14hashtags are so sexy they’re like [ __ ] a turn on like don’t look at me when i come26:23hashtag cry after i’m just gonna put hashtag lovemaking that’s it26:31pull in some old hashtags like pumps and the bumps which is a under appreciation an26:37mc hammer jam well yeah that’s a good one for sure hashtag peaches and cream [Laughter]26:43get into that and then also just to get the algorithm working in your favor um26:49do you like the snickers hashtag or like you’re not you and you’re hungry oh i thought you were gonna say dick vayne26:55dick dick vayne for sure hashtag dick vayne really gets the party started27:00or you could go like classic pickup line style and be like my tweets have to be brief but nothing27:07else does my followers are going down and so do i27:17and then it’s like i got cancelled oh no how did that happen27:23i didn’t realize there was this whole thing called a screen shot oh i meant the reason for the followers27:29going down then you have to expose yourself for why you got cancelled because you realize27:34that that first message is going to lead into some questions but also not knowing how to dm and27:41actually just putting that on your own twitter page27:46that would be amazing i find it funny with twitter as i i know a couple people and one of which i know27:53in real life that doesn’t realize that the things that they comment on and like on twitter it tells their friends28:01what they like and comment on on twitter so i i do have a friend that like honestly if i brought up they’d be like28:06okay cool what’d you think of the porn that i was watching comments on porn star pages all the time28:12this is all the time likes and and like yeah that’s a great butthole wait do you remember the best day of all time on28:18twitter were you on twitter for this because it was the greatest day in the world and it was that time that ted cruz28:24liked to porn tweet on 9 11. oh no i forgot about that yeah and it28:30was like the lamest porn tweet of all time like it wasn’t even sexy28:37but it was so good it was so good i just want to make it clear that my friend i’m talking28:43about is not in fact ted cruz why are you such close friends with ted cruz it’s uh he gets beard advice from28:50me he never takes it but no he actually heard our last episode where we just roasted the ever living [ __ ] out28:56of ted cruz for 30 minutes and was like i want to change my ways will you guys adopt me into your friendship and now29:03we’re all friends speaking of uh starting next episode it’s going to be a three-person panel of uh answering29:09questions the two of us and ted cruz oh we’re fully lying i can’t even keep this up29:15this disgusts me i can’t deal with it i mean really living up to the name of deeply upsettingly upsetting the idea that29:22we’re friends with ted cruz your twitter you would uh29:27use the hashtags the sexy hashtags or no i’m doing the sexy pickup line about29:33twitter jokes twitter jokes yeah twitter joke pickup line or i’ve got there’s got to be like an elon musk joke in here29:39where it’s like elon musk just bought twitter so i guess it’s time for you and me to make our own29:46aex 1 through 12 whatever his stupid baby’s name is29:51let’s make a robot baby have they released the name of the second baby29:56you’ve said it like like a kanye record that’s about to drop have they released the name of the new30:01the new baby that’s about to drop i want to know what the next baby is called the first one30:06really [ __ ] up my world it’s called gina carano got railroaded i think it’s30:12yeah just elon going full in with this twitter kind of thing that’s too much30:17okay i know that it’s like kind of a defunct platform at this point because they took away the porn but what about30:23tumblr tumblr tumblr is just dicks i mean like not anymore30:29oh that’s right you can’t do dicks anymore that’s why nobody uses tumblr anymore that’s such a shame i really30:34never mind [ __ ] tumblr yeah we’re just ignoring it there’s sticks literally everywhere else on the internet30:39but tumblr’s like now we’re not gonna do dicks we are known for the people with dicks yep and we’re not gonna do dicks30:45anymore twitter really did go through some from something that you could scroll in public to something that you30:50cannot scroll through public anymore that’s the funny thing about clicking on a thing that a friend30:56liked or something like because they have an interesting handle like so-and-so’s31:01tweet you’re like oh what is this and it’s just like a woman squirting and you’re like at the dmv holding your31:06phone out so anybody behind you can watch you just looking at squirting videos like okay31:11also it’s become so prevalent that i feel like half the time that i see31:16something that’s like talking about a viral tweet it turns out that the viral tweet is some sort of incredibly31:22upsetting porn like the most recent one was like i saw a tweet that was like guys please stop posting the sand video31:29i don’t want to see it anymore and i was like oh no what’s the sand video i did31:34not seek it out i promise i didn’t seek it out but then i saw it like two tweets later and then i saw so much of the sand31:41video which is where a guy basically had i mean like a pound of sand in his butthole and it just poured out for like31:48three straight minutes of twitter of twitter time was there at least like where it was pouring out and then31:54stopped and then there was like a a dust fart and then it after a long time yeah okay but then it just kept on going the32:01dust fart the idea of a dust fart is very funny to me but it wasn’t like dust it was sand sand32:08not kind of we’ll watch it later okay cool looking forward to it sand is so scrapey32:14sand is scraping there was a metric [ __ ] ton of sand in that guy’s butt32:20we’re in a post-goatsy world like sand is not the worst thing that we’ve seen on the internet i’m not trying to32:26king shane but like if you happen to be the person that did that and you’re listening to this which honestly there’s32:31an opportunity for that that venn diagram does overlap it does yeah are you okay32:37is your butthole okay did you just like really high power douche it out after that because like what32:44happened in there i have so many questions and the saddest thing is i have had this conversation with someone32:51else in person before today where we were both just like deeply concerned about this person’s32:58colon health and etc see that is the kind of energy that we need on twitter more is that yeah okay it’s weird not33:05necessarily into it but the humanity of it all is more important than like demonizing a person it’s like sadie33:11butthole ah i don’t get it but like are you okay right instead of like oh so [ __ ] up a33:17[ __ ] what a bit is what you know whatever [ __ ] it’s just first off did you have to seek medical attention33:24exactly do you have enough gauze yes we’re never kink shaming we are just doing our due diligence as humans and33:31asking if you’re okay after doing that freak [ __ ] that you just did i i love that energy i feel like that energy33:38needs to be more prevalent it’s accepting mom energy and it’s really how i like to live my life33:44speaking of accepting mom energy one of the uh one of the social media applications33:49that moms definitely jump on a little bit is uh the instagrams oh yeah33:55um the the the insta influencers are there but also the like mom being like look at this cake i made look at my34:02garden energy is also there for an instagram drop in dms are we34:09doing a picture are we um i feel like okay in this instagram um34:15uh scenario i’m gonna flip the script and i’m gonna be um jumping into the dms of a a girl34:22instagram an instagram girl rather than a male instagrammer and i’m going to go34:28with like hey girl boss so then she’s immediately worried that it’s an mlm situation and then it’s like just34:34kidding those are so annoying you want to see my titties okay cool cool i like that it’s the you get the34:41groan so literally anything that’s not that is going to be more appreciated yup i like that it brings in the humanity34:48and then it’s like okay let’s get down to the business titties titties yeah i have them you do34:53too i think i’m gonna uh probably troll uh megan fox’s instagram and find a35:00picture of her and machine gun kelly just like licking each other’s faces or something drinking each other’s blood35:06drinking each other’s blood something you drink blood drinking good good that came out this week that they were like yeah we do that of course yeah obviously35:13so i’ll find a just a solid like really nice blood drinking picture of the two of them i don’t think there’s active35:19pictures of it i mean we haven’t checked instagram in about 28 minutes you’re also really good35:24at photoshop that’s true i can do that i can absolutely do that i’ll just photoshop uh35:30machine gun kelly’s face over uh uh what’s his face from cats that’s35:35lapping up the bowl of water uh god ian mckellen mckellen’s face but the bowl is gonna be blood and it’s gonna be megan35:42fox holding the ball and this is how you’re hitting on megan fox no no no i’m not gonna hit on megan fox35:48no she’s like she’s in a loving relationship i don’t want to get in the way of that very stable and stable relationship great relationship do not35:55want to detract from that clearly uh i want to i want to absolutely handle that with the most respect yeah36:01i’m going to take that photo as a couple goals oh nice and uh and at36:08somebody like send that message to somebody in their dms on instagram uh being like this could be us yep uh but36:16you’re worried about blood diseases [Laughter]36:22the world is burning blood diseases are like the least of your worries there’s so much worse to36:28worry come on drink this blood girl hashtag blood diseases36:34so you’re telling them not to worry about it but then reiterating the fear and not suggesting i don’t have them or36:40i do have it’s just just blood diseases like i don’t know how to take that hashtag36:46i think that we should workshop that one i think next time you jump into somebody’s dms36:53just like run it by me first so i can look it over and i don’t know i think the blood disease angle is a36:58pretty solid angle i mean you can let us know listeners please cool let us know if that would turn you37:04on we’re getting a whole new contingency of listeners after this one here we haven’t talked about the sexiest of uh37:10social media platforms though oh oh it’s linkedin linkedin37:16for the business [ __ ] yep that is in fact uh what inspired this37:23whole thing i i got a uh you have a charming smile message on37:28linkedin [ __ ] filthy it’s phil i mean no filthy right and raunchy the thing that was like37:36jarring about that it was very nice and yeah it wasn’t anything too gross or weird or anything yeah but it’s37:41also linked in i i don’t see linkedin as the place where you go to like37:46jump into someone’s dms and like and yet i have gotten a million horny linkedin dms i do not appreciate37:55not interested but also not interested because the dm that i got was kind of basic i mean it didn’t show that there38:02was a lot of interest in me yeah per se it was all about looks it was all about looks like it’s really surface all of my38:09stuff’s on front street what i do for a living what my interests are that’s all out there it tells me like i’m i’m a38:15motivated entrepreneur you know there’s all this stuff you can pull from and you just go by my smile wow you know38:22i like my smile too i do but you should i’m more than a smile yeah you’ve got depth i do you’ve got a38:28whole career and she was just like ignoring that like you’re what a piece of me yeah i’m just38:34this like a business profile here for your [ __ ] whimsy38:39okay all right i see you oh rude but yeah you throwing some some38:46business jargon in there you know hot yeah b2b is like butt to balls wow38:55do that that’s great i think i’m just gonna keep it really simple actually saas is sex as a service39:02wow nice yeah honestly though sex workers should really be taking39:07advantage of that they should totally like take over saas that would39:12be amazing39:18why is that not a porn that’s so good like a [ __ ] like the glenn gary glenn ross of pornography is just like s-a-a-s39:26because who wants to watch the glen gary glenn ross of pornography all the39:32[ __ ] marketing bros on linkedin that’s 100 true yeah you’re right 7039:37of linkedin are marketing bros that are like i have discovered the one thing that you have39:42to do to market your stuff better than anything else in the entire world there’s nothing else that works except this one thing yep me and my 16239:49followers know that this is the one way that you market stuff yep read my book39:55that’s available for free uh on on audible oh the worst part about40:01linkedin let me just go on a quick tangent the worst part about linkedin is people’s posts where it’s like40:06i was on my way to work got my dunkin donuts i was running late i saw someone40:12standing on the street he looked sad i pulled over my car even though i didn’t40:17have the time and i was like hey i’m going to work what’s wrong with you i’m working at my high profile job40:24and the person was like i’m sad and my dog died today and they were like i’m gonna take you to work and40:31have you interview at my company and that will really like make the difference and that man was40:36gandhi you could do it too if you just cared one little bit like i40:42do and it’s like one zillion likes and people being like inspirational incredible you deserve the world40:50it’s awful uh i found out recently there is a term for that yeah for those kind of posts uh it’s where it’s marketing40:56bros or business bros in general i don’t i don’t i don’t want to single out the marketing41:02side of these oh you don’t want to alienate i don’t want aliens41:08it is a tactic to try to like put a personal face on on a41:14pro marketing or pro business post or something um that has been nicknamed uh bro a tree yes41:21oh my god that’s amazing i just like sucked down a protein shake from my favorite smoothie shop41:27before i took my dog on a walk i have a purebred you know pomeranian and uh41:32dressed in you know my [ __ ] louis vuitton business gear41:39i loved louis vuitton’s spring summer 2021 business gear so good41:46really under-appreciated uh under-appreciated season yeah for sure41:51i think i’m just gonna cut to the chase and i’m just going to go into every single fortune 500 ceo41:57that i possibly can and just put sugar daddy question mark in their dms or like42:03honestly here’s my ultimate i’m going to put fin dom because that’s what i really want it’s42:09just to tell them to give me money all the time i mean and if the stereotypes hold true you might have some success uh42:16going that route and you can send a picture in in um your linkedin message42:23so i’m just saying yeah the opportunities are there everybody write that one down you just one picture42:30of you putting out a cigarette on the forehead of a of like just the top of the forehead of like a balding white-haired man42:36and you’re off to the races there’s just like a a sliver of side boob42:41you’re good to go i do wish that if you were gonna hit up somebody in dms on linkedin42:49you would submit like a sex resume yes just a resume of like where you’ve held42:54positions before um in which position and uh your your43:00your strengths and weaknesses um what you look to gain from uh your43:05your opportunity there and uh yeah and cover cover letter talking about like where where you43:11discovered this person that you’re jumping to the dms of but most importantly what you can do for them43:16yeah that really goes a long way it really is if anybody has any uh pickup lines not43:24that we haven’t talked about all of them um we if anybody has any really good pickup43:30lines not that we haven’t covered all of them i mean we really nailed it all the ones you want to use anyway you can use43:37your lame ones we haven’t talked about if you have some second tier ones you can put them on our social media and b43:43squad pickup lines yeah or honestly feel free to send us some [ __ ] dms we would43:48love to see it break up this relationship for fun for fun see what you can do43:55other things that you can do are listen to the other shows on the geeks under the influence network they’re better44:02than this one send them some [ __ ] gms because they won’t know why and that would be really44:08really fun oh my god can you please like not to us send it to beautiful disasters from the mass of44:13madness and i want those to be themed too though like i want a horror themed from them as a madness [ __ ] dm a44:19b-movie themed a geek father’s themed one i’m sure they would love to be called44:25daddies just go for it use your creativity and your creepy little hearts but also review subscribe44:32do the whole nine yards you know buy the merch there’s lots of good merch there’s tons of weird [ __ ] on the um on the shop44:40uipodcast.com store yep but uh yeah next week we’ll be back with another minor upset um if you44:47have any suggestions for that because are actually some not great things going on in the world as it turns out44:53we don’t want to cover like the ukraine no if you’ve heard this show that’s not44:59really our bag not the vibe we’re going forward it’s more the the stuff we can laugh about yeah the snickers dick vane of it all45:05yeah that does that kind of [ __ ] that kind of [ __ ] and we’ll see you next week so for another episode of deeply upsetting i’m45:11amy bogart i’m like okay bye [Music]45:30guipodcast.com45:37casper get out of here i’m trying to come like the hobbit here low down brown45:44inviting you to check out geek some of the influence of podcast that pairs booze with conversation with good friends and a little nerd culture we get45:51a lot of colorful conversation out of our episodes but it is here for everyone no gatekeeping you always level up45:58everything we do we’ll punch up never punch down exactly so check out geeks under the influence everywhere you get46:04your podcast and join us or die shut the [ __ ] up hobbit46:10welcome to gui nights gui nights yeah i am lowdown brown with me is always mike46:17the hobbit this is the tangential side of gui this is like so many of those other shows that has the after the show46:25bit mixed with a little bit of baywatch night so it’s a little sexier it’s a little bit after hours also while tying46:31it into the previous episode of gui so look forward to that too because this comes out the week after the flagship46:36hour-long episode so make sure to check out gui nights and uh when you’re done you can go the [ __ ] home46:44in a world with too many reboots and remakes two men will stop at nothing to46:49make it even worse join like robert and tandy as they play by their removes while pitching new46:55takes on some of your favorite enemies favorite films and tv shows what podcast you dare to bring this upon the world47:03this is smack my picture47:10hey guys scotty p here with smash on your left and we are the geek fathers that’s right47:18bringing all the trials and tribulations of being a geeky parent so welcome to our world and as always47:24join us or cry47:30coming straight from the mouths of madness i’m lowdown i’m fu hunter do you love heart we [ __ ] do so this is47:36podcast dedicated to all things in cinematic horror we’re talking movies television composers special effects47:42artists we’re going to [ __ ] cover it so if you love or embrace the madness47:49in a world of blockbuster movies there’s another dimension the dimension of47:54schlock cinema join us at beautiful disasters on a journey into the fringe territory of48:02b-movie abandon we review the flicks that are forgotten or underappreciated to give them a48:09proper place in the annals of celluloid history i’m the groots after you honor48:15your guide at beautiful disasters come along with us for a fun ride48:21may the stock be with you}

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